Ok. Today may not sit well for some of you… But today I cried.
Yep. The girl whose hope rises and sets with every beach sunset, cried. And not the “turn on the facet and let the tears flow” kinda cry. It was more like a gut- wrenching drowning, a rip-tide pulling me under.
I was tired. I hurt. I cried.
I am a dog -person but not any dog. I don’t want a little dog yelping at my feet. I need a big dog, who can run beside me as my running partner.
They say a dog’s personality reflects their owner and I kinda believe it. Hunter, my Vizsla, was all me. He was a bursting ball of energy as we ran the tree- lined streets of Schaumburg, side by side, morning and night. Hunter’s vivacious personality attracted friends easily. But it was his strength that always impressed me; he was solid.
But even a big dog gets tired, hurts, and whines a little bit. Today, I am that dog. I am flat on the mat, hiding beneath covers.
My Lyme disease was drowning me. I thought I was twenty this past week and did four flights in six days. I let my adventurous side get the best of me. My doctor said it best, “You think you are super woman and can do it all. Put away your cape and allow yourself to heal.”
I am not good at showing my soft under-belly, few get to see it. I don’t allow myself to be called off my mat to be petted or comforted. I guess, right or wrong, it is because of the Bible verse, “Do everything without complaining and arguing “Philippians 2:14
But today, hearing my Chicago pastor’s voice, I took down my fence, took off my collar, and whimpered like an injured dog.
Why don’t I allow others to see this side?
Is it because I think I will be less loveable? or better yet, I think no one will want to adopt me? Or rescue me?
My college roommate, Kristin, sent me card that I keep by my desk that reads, God loves the real you… and so do I.
Pastor Greg reminded me that it is ok to want to be healed and that God knows I hurt and suffer. And then he quoted one of my favorite verses, “God will meet all your needs.” Philippians 4:19
But I admit, I am the stubborn dog.
So to you, my friends, today I was tired. I hurt. And I cried. I am resting on the mat. But only for today. Tomorrow I will be back chasing the ball in the yard. After all, someone just may want to rescue me… and I may just allow it.
Can this stubborn girl learn a new trick? With the right treat, I think anything is possible… for all of us.